after more than 3 years of absolutely no contact whatsoever, i developed this sudden urge of curiosity to find out what's been going on with your life. sure enough, i stumbled across your online diary which surprisingly, still remains. till this day, i'm still mesmerized by your writings. you somehow manage to create magic with the English Language. it's beautiful. i see my literature teacher has met his match.
however, it is only now that i see the underlying meaning which has been long concealed behind those words. i guess being a lit student has helped me read between the lines and not take things from face value. due to lack of exposure 3 years back, i use to dismiss your works as mere ramblings about life. i've now concluded that you're nothing but a child trapped in a body of a man. no one understands you. i bet you don't even understand yourself. you seem to go about aimlessly in life reminiscing about your past, just waiting for Death to save you from this apparent pain and suffering. it is all probably just a figment of your imagination from your deranged mind. like a child, you crave attention by attempting suicide. you want to leave this world but yet you want to stay. schizophrenia indeed.
you speak of this mask which many seem to hide behind because they fear the thoughts of people if they were to reveal their true identity but don't you realise you're merely talking about yourself? hypocritical don't you think? your dedicated readers who frequent your diary leave messages of love, encouragement etc. but if only they could remove this mask and see the bona fide man that i've seen. your diary would then be collecting dust. maybe this is why you hide behind this false pretence of being someone you're not. then only would people take you seriously. pathetic.
a lover you had once disappointed and hurt unintentionally has caused you to evolve into this vindictive fiend of love. you now lead innocent women on claiming to love them. as time progresses, without their own knowing, they fall into this trap of deceit and lies unable to escape. it is then that you deny this love. malice reigns in your blood. i've seen it in your eyes. your writings may to some extent ease your heart but it is your mind that is greatly disturbed. therapeutic help seems to be your sole saviour for the thoughts in your head which will soon be the perpetrator of your own self-destruction.
the name of this man i do not wish to disclose for we let bygones be bygones.
im in a dilemma at 5:39 PM