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today's been one of those "everything's totally fucked up inside but i'll just plaster a smile and pretend everything's ok" sort of days. i've basically screwed up my common tests. Barely passing my math and GP in my 2nd year in JC isn't gonna get me very far. i'm so dead for A's. it's moments like these i wish i went to a poly instead. almost a year here and i still have thoughts of "maybe i'm not cut out for this" running through my head. i guess the only comforting thing is that i HAVE made it this far so what's another 8 months of pure mugging? apart from this, things aren't looking all too good in my private life either. my bestfriend's leaving for japan for a year in exactly a month and 2 days so our days together are numbered. it's bloody depressing. sigh. i can't imagine an entire year without her. just when i thought everything was ok, casual conversation makes it all come back. not that it bothers me all that much now as it did before but it still somewhat revolves around the same feelings. fuck man. it's fucking irritating. god, it wasn't like they were fucking married! things change. sheesh. am i missing something here? im in a dilemma at 10:56 PM
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