i'm caught in a fix. completely helpless. it seems like everything i do would inevitably result in a negative. to care would be an awfully grave mistake and yet, not to care an even larger one. is there an in-between? if only it was so easy to semi-care. if only i could be like you.
i've lost myself. i've become the unimaginable. maybe it really is 'all my fault', to think that change was possible. to think that it was everlasting. so easy to put into words yet practically impossible to put into action. iwas am the fool who believed it. the stupid girl who fell in love.
it's absolutely marvellous how something so minute could escalate into something completely uncalled for. words summoned by Rage leave scars as a reminder that it would never quite be over. that for every good, an ugly awaits us. a vicious wheel that spins uncontrollably. could somebody stop it?
i've said it before and i'll say it again: i don't want to be here anymore.
im in a dilemma at 2:09 PM it was Hui Yi's 19th birthday yesterday so Fan and I decided to take her out for the day. we met at clarke quay where i was fashionably late and then went down to Border's Bistro for really late lunch. the birthday girl INSISTED on taking neoprints after, which Fan and I reluctantly did. sigh. and then came the icing on the cake - the GMAX Reverse Bungy. oh god. i was completely terrified. it was 2 minutes of pure nightmare but i'm sure glad i did it. haha=) Hui Yi left after for dinner with her family while Fan and I went for a beer at Molly Malone's. after 6 months, i finally got to see Fan's workplace. i absolutely love the whole wooden irish country bar concept. felt like i was in the 50s.
i woke up at 2+ in the afternoon today and met Stace for lunch/tea at Thai Express. had the usual calamaris and minced chicken. yummy! and then it was off to Cold Storage for some grocery shopping for the pasta i made for dinner which by the way, turned out rather bland. kind of disappointing but i was trying to go for a healthy dinner considering all that steak and cream soup i've been making over the past month.
my 2 days off went by so fast. it's back to work tmr. sigh. kind of can't wait for uni to start. i've had enough of the working world. another 5 more weeks at Hard Rock, 2 weeks of complete relaxation and then the long awaited university. i hope it's as fun as many claim it is.
And I'd give all the world tonight,
to be with you.
im in a dilemma at 11:35 PM
a strange phase. i can't explain it, can't understand it. more importantly, i didn't see it coming. ever. its origin remains a mystery. however, there is that one aspect that i'm quite certain of - i don't want to be here anymore. i don't like these emotions. i don't like this behaviour and worst of all, i despise making the same mistake twice.
leave? if only the answer was as simple as that. if only all lives' problems could easily be solved by running away. truth be told, it can't. a part of me regrets hanging on for a whole year yet another part is glad that i did. i fear regret. i want to make a decision without the least bit of doubt. no what ifs. no should haves. no going back on my word.
my question would be, how do you know when to give up and when to hold on? have i cast a blind eye to all the subtle hints and forced myself to live in oblivion? or do i just have an overactive imagination. so many ways to go about this. so many perspectives to view.
day in and day out, i wait for that flashing arrow that points me in the right direction but it never comes.
the heart's heavy. the mind's cluttered. there's no space for reasoning. would somebody solve this for me? i'm tired. i'll give you the scenario and the end product, you pave the way for me. i'm incapable of making the right decision but then again, there is no right or wrong. it's just a decision, a conclusion. period. take me away from here. erase all memory, please?
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me
im in a dilemma at 3:16 PM so much for looking forward to work on friday night. it turned out that the whole of hard rock was booked for a private function so that meant - no navy. only old rowdy ah pek men who behaved like they were in some sort of kopitiam. sigh. i got home exceptionally tired and even more emotional. i was having one of my moments. sorry for the random outburst baby.
i spent my entire saturday working - 12pm till 11pm. that was mighty exhausting. ara, roach and stace came down for dinner so that was rather relieving. after i was done with work, i stayed on in hard rock to drink with stace and ara since it was ladies night and may that be the last time i ever drink there again. my bartenders kept giving us undrinkable concoctions and on top of that, vick bought us a tequila pop and the ultimate killer, a waterfall which inevitably led to stacey throwing up in the toilet and ara and i barfing our hearts out outside. i reckon ara and i had alcohol poisoning considering we drank most of the waterfall and continued our barfing spree the next morning. just the thought of it now makes my stomach churn.
i spent the whole of sunday recovering from saturday's episode and barely eating. what a way to spend Mother's Day. at about 12am(early monday morning), i left my place to meet charles' friends to surprise my charlie boy at his place with a cake since it was his 20th birthday. eventhough it was a short while, it felt good to see him after 2 whole weeks of absence.
it was back to work on monday night and of course, there was no end to the teasing i got for making an utter fool of myself on saturday night. sigh. i ended work at 11pm and came home straight after for some much deserved rest.
I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love you baby
im in a dilemma at 3:10 PM the navy's in town! the navy's in town! that means great tips from even better looking guys. SCORE! haha. this would be one of the few occasions when i actually look forward to work. who'd ever thought that i'd be glad to spend my Friday night working. fun! fun! fun! i think they all should be gone by Sunday though.
i've finally decided to resume my ballet classes. this time, i'm gonna make it a point to go for class at least twice a week cause missing them gravely affects my flexibility or currently, my lack of it and plus, i think i'm getting pudgy around the edges=\. i'm gonna join a lyrical jazz class too. i figured i might as well make full use of my time and money earned to do something constructive before uni starts and lose some weight as well, for Professor Scott*wink*. haha.
im in a dilemma at 2:49 PM You and me, meant to be
Immutable, impossible
It's destiny, pure lunacy
Incalculable, insufferable
But for the last time,
You're everything that I want and ask for
You're all that I'd dreamed
Protected and the lover of
A pure soul and beautiful,
Don't understand, don't feel me now
I will breathe for the both of us.
Travel the world, traverse the skies
Your home is here, within my heart.
And for the first time,
I feel as though I am reborn in my mind
Recast as a child and mystic sage
And for the first time,
I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for your every move
And waking sound in my time.
I wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You're mine forever, now.
Who wouldn't be the one you love and live for
Who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for
Who wouldn't be the one you love?
im in a dilemma at 6:59 PM
it never ends, does it? it plays games with your mind, poisoning it with all sorts of sick thoughts. truly blessed yet willing to sacrifice it all for something unchangeable, insignificant, non-existant? it was never over. it will never be over. tranquilized for a moment, only to be revived soon enough. so utterly delusional yet completely certain that all is true. a keen sense of imagination forced into reality. the past and the present conjoined into one. a neverending journey - no slip-roads, no detours, no escape.
im in a dilemma at 8:58 PM
i've lost myself. i've become the unimaginable. maybe it really is 'all my fault', to think that change was possible. to think that it was everlasting. so easy to put into words yet practically impossible to put into action. i
it's absolutely marvellous how something so minute could escalate into something completely uncalled for. words summoned by Rage leave scars as a reminder that it would never quite be over. that for every good, an ugly awaits us. a vicious wheel that spins uncontrollably. could somebody stop it?
i've said it before and i'll say it again: i don't want to be here anymore.
im in a dilemma at 2:09 PM it was Hui Yi's 19th birthday yesterday so Fan and I decided to take her out for the day. we met at clarke quay where i was fashionably late and then went down to Border's Bistro for really late lunch. the birthday girl INSISTED on taking neoprints after, which Fan and I reluctantly did. sigh. and then came the icing on the cake - the GMAX Reverse Bungy. oh god. i was completely terrified. it was 2 minutes of pure nightmare but i'm sure glad i did it. haha=) Hui Yi left after for dinner with her family while Fan and I went for a beer at Molly Malone's. after 6 months, i finally got to see Fan's workplace. i absolutely love the whole wooden irish country bar concept. felt like i was in the 50s.
i woke up at 2+ in the afternoon today and met Stace for lunch/tea at Thai Express. had the usual calamaris and minced chicken. yummy! and then it was off to Cold Storage for some grocery shopping for the pasta i made for dinner which by the way, turned out rather bland. kind of disappointing but i was trying to go for a healthy dinner considering all that steak and cream soup i've been making over the past month.
my 2 days off went by so fast. it's back to work tmr. sigh. kind of can't wait for uni to start. i've had enough of the working world. another 5 more weeks at Hard Rock, 2 weeks of complete relaxation and then the long awaited university. i hope it's as fun as many claim it is.
And I'd give all the world tonight,
to be with you.
im in a dilemma at 11:35 PM
so easily bought. so easily bruised.
a strange phase. i can't explain it, can't understand it. more importantly, i didn't see it coming. ever. its origin remains a mystery. however, there is that one aspect that i'm quite certain of - i don't want to be here anymore. i don't like these emotions. i don't like this behaviour and worst of all, i despise making the same mistake twice.
i'm not ungrateful. just not a material girl.
leave? if only the answer was as simple as that. if only all lives' problems could easily be solved by running away. truth be told, it can't. a part of me regrets hanging on for a whole year yet another part is glad that i did. i fear regret. i want to make a decision without the least bit of doubt. no what ifs. no should haves. no going back on my word.
my question would be, how do you know when to give up and when to hold on? have i cast a blind eye to all the subtle hints and forced myself to live in oblivion? or do i just have an overactive imagination. so many ways to go about this. so many perspectives to view.
day in and day out, i wait for that flashing arrow that points me in the right direction but it never comes.
the heart's heavy. the mind's cluttered. there's no space for reasoning. would somebody solve this for me? i'm tired. i'll give you the scenario and the end product, you pave the way for me. i'm incapable of making the right decision but then again, there is no right or wrong. it's just a decision, a conclusion. period. take me away from here. erase all memory, please?
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me
im in a dilemma at 3:16 PM so much for looking forward to work on friday night. it turned out that the whole of hard rock was booked for a private function so that meant - no navy. only old rowdy ah pek men who behaved like they were in some sort of kopitiam. sigh. i got home exceptionally tired and even more emotional. i was having one of my moments. sorry for the random outburst baby.
i spent my entire saturday working - 12pm till 11pm. that was mighty exhausting. ara, roach and stace came down for dinner so that was rather relieving. after i was done with work, i stayed on in hard rock to drink with stace and ara since it was ladies night and may that be the last time i ever drink there again. my bartenders kept giving us undrinkable concoctions and on top of that, vick bought us a tequila pop and the ultimate killer, a waterfall which inevitably led to stacey throwing up in the toilet and ara and i barfing our hearts out outside. i reckon ara and i had alcohol poisoning considering we drank most of the waterfall and continued our barfing spree the next morning. just the thought of it now makes my stomach churn.
i spent the whole of sunday recovering from saturday's episode and barely eating. what a way to spend Mother's Day. at about 12am(early monday morning), i left my place to meet charles' friends to surprise my charlie boy at his place with a cake since it was his 20th birthday. eventhough it was a short while, it felt good to see him after 2 whole weeks of absence.
HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY HONEY!!!!!!!!!!
it was back to work on monday night and of course, there was no end to the teasing i got for making an utter fool of myself on saturday night. sigh. i ended work at 11pm and came home straight after for some much deserved rest.
I'm lost without you
Can't help myself
How does it feel?
To know that I love you baby
im in a dilemma at 3:10 PM the navy's in town! the navy's in town! that means great tips from even better looking guys. SCORE! haha. this would be one of the few occasions when i actually look forward to work. who'd ever thought that i'd be glad to spend my Friday night working. fun! fun! fun! i think they all should be gone by Sunday though.
i've finally decided to resume my ballet classes. this time, i'm gonna make it a point to go for class at least twice a week cause missing them gravely affects my flexibility or currently, my lack of it and plus, i think i'm getting pudgy around the edges=\. i'm gonna join a lyrical jazz class too. i figured i might as well make full use of my time and money earned to do something constructive before uni starts and lose some weight as well, for Professor Scott*wink*. haha.
im in a dilemma at 2:49 PM You and me, meant to be
Immutable, impossible
It's destiny, pure lunacy
Incalculable, insufferable
But for the last time,
You're everything that I want and ask for
You're all that I'd dreamed
Protected and the lover of
A pure soul and beautiful,
Don't understand, don't feel me now
I will breathe for the both of us.
Travel the world, traverse the skies
Your home is here, within my heart.
And for the first time,
I feel as though I am reborn in my mind
Recast as a child and mystic sage
And for the first time,
I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for your every move
And waking sound in my time.
I wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You're mine forever, now.
Who wouldn't be the one you love and live for
Who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for
Who wouldn't be the one you love?
im in a dilemma at 6:59 PM
it is the green-eyed monster that doth mocks the meat it feeds on
it never ends, does it? it plays games with your mind, poisoning it with all sorts of sick thoughts. truly blessed yet willing to sacrifice it all for something unchangeable, insignificant, non-existant? it was never over. it will never be over. tranquilized for a moment, only to be revived soon enough. so utterly delusional yet completely certain that all is true. a keen sense of imagination forced into reality. the past and the present conjoined into one. a neverending journey - no slip-roads, no detours, no escape.
mock me why don't you? i laugh at myself too.
im in a dilemma at 8:58 PM